Never Let Go
by Lynn DiNozzo
Summary: Aftermath of Berlin. Tony and Ziva in the hospital. Flashbacks. For Jessica. - Since he'd woken up out of his coma, all he had done was replay what had haunted him while he was unconscious. So many moments had flashed before him and continued to play in his mind even though he was awake.


Tony lay in the hospital bed trying to bear the pain and soreness rushing throughout all of his body. Even with a broken right arm and nose, they were the least of his concerns. Since he'd woken up out of his coma, all he had done was replay what had haunted him while he was unconscious. So many moments had flashed before him and continued to play in his mind even though he was awake.

_Ziva hanging his clothes up and joining him on the room's single bed._

_Tracking down Bodnar and using dancing as an excuse to move closer to their suspect, though he knew things were far more complex than that. _

_The way they had looked at each other and the way she looked at him—how she felt in his arms. _

_Ziva revealing what had shaped her as a person on their way home from the airport._

_Reaching for her hand to give her the comfort she so desperately needed and the overwhelming feeling of joy that coursed through him when she didn't pull away. _

_The way their fingers felt intertwined; the way she smiled at him and him at her. _

As many times as Tony replayed these things, he couldn't help but keep going back to the accident. He had always tried to shield her from danger—they were partners, it was what they did, it came naturally and it always had. Every time he closed his eyes he could see it; he could feel it—an intimate moment interrupted so violently.

_Tony grasped desperately for Ziva's hand as their car spun out of control. He tried with all of his might to hold onto her hand but the impact of the crash had forced them apart. Barely being able to feel anything—adrenaline numbing everything—and blackness beginning to surround him, he began to panic. _

_Where was Ziva? _

_Why wasn't her hand in his like it always should have been? _

_He desperately searched for her hand before the blackness completely surrounded him. Finally, he found it and Tony tried to hold on but unconsciousness suddenly overtook him and once again, his hand fell helplessly from hers._

He couldn't take this anymore. Tony needed to find where they had taken Ziva. As he pulled himself up out of bed, his muscles ached so extremely bad that he didn't think he'd be able to move any further but he could care less. The only thing important to him was finding his partner—his best friend.

Pulling the curtain away that separated the two beds in the cold, dark room, he soon became frozen to the spot that he stood when he realized it was Ziva lying there in the next bed. He could barely hold back the tears as he walked over to her bedside and sat down in a chair that he pulled over.

She lay there completely unconscious with cuts and scrapes that riddled her face and arms from the glass that had shattered all over them. His heart hurt so immensely seeing her like this. She too had fallen victim to a broke right arm and her face was in anguish like she was in unbearable pain.

Tony couldn't imagine how taking the full impact of the car ramming towards them had felt. He had tried so hard to protect her and couldn't; for that he would never forgive himself.

_What if they had taken one more minute to pick up their bags at the baggage claim? What if it took one more minute to land on the runway? What if there had been one more red light or one more green one? _

Tony knew he had to stop second guessing himself but it was too hard. His mind had always played these dirty tricks on him. That's why he always fell back on alcohol to try and drown those thoughts out, but in the end Ziva had always been there to pull him out of the seemingly everlasting pits.

_But what if she was no longer there to do that?_

He knew he wouldn't last long without her. Reaching for her left hand, he held on as tightly as he could—trying to be her life support. He swore he would never let go, never be without her, never forget her essence.

Rubbing her ring finger gently, a tear rolled down his cheek as he flashed back to her holding the diamond up to her finger.

_If only I would have said something more than "It looks good on you." Why couldn't I have been honest for once? Why couldn't I have said what I felt?_

Wiping the tear from his face with his shoulder so he didn't have to let go, he began to speak with a tear stricken voice as he continued to run his thumb across her finger. "Ziva, please don't give up on me. You have to stay with me. I want to put that diamond on your finger. I—I love you."

Right after saying that, Tony realized he had caught himself off guard.

_Did I actually say those words?_

Yes, he had wanted to for so long—thought of a million different ways to say it but could never bring himself to.

Bringing his eyes back to her still beautiful face, he admired her chocolate waves that were spooling around her and framing her face so perfectly. He had always loved the way that her hair complimented her deep brown eyes.

_Those eyes that were so easy to get lost in, if only he could see them one more time._

He couldn't let this woman slip through his fingers now—after everything they had been through. He had already lost too many women in his life and he wasn't about to let Ziva be one of them. "Ziva, listen to me. Will you open your eyes for me? Please," he said in a begging tone. "You need to come back to us—to me."

Tony's breath caught in his throat when Ziva squeezed his hand and her eyes fluttered open after listening to everything he had said but being held back by the darkness and unable to say anything. "Tony," she said weakly, "I never left you and I never will."

Tony gave her a reassuring smile and was a little disheartened when she fell asleep again so soon but he knew she was out of the woods now. Leaning back into his chair and still grasping her hand, he knew things had changed between them. Before they'd only shared moments like this in his dreams but a lot had happened over the past year—the explosion at NCIS, the "opera" he'd set up for her in the squad room and her father's death to name a few. And Berlin. Berlin had definitely changed them. He smiled as he came to a realization.

Maybe dreams really did come true.


End file.
